Last year, on this day..

Every once in a while, I take a minute to picture where I was at that exact moment a year ago. Most of the time I'm just amazed at how fast time passes, sometimes I smile, laugh, or in this case, even shed some tears.

Nobody told me that becoming a mother would be easy. I was however told that it comes naturally; right along with fear, worry, and a strong urge to protect your child from everything and anything.

Today as I sit here picturing where I was a year ago, remembering the fear & worry so fresh in my mind, I can barely believe a year has passed.

Last year, on this day, I was sitting in a sick kids hospital, beside my new born baby girl. My precious, perfect baby girl. Holding her tiny little hands while praying that everything would be alright.

I still clearly remember my frustration of being a new mom, trying to nurse while standing up in a hospital room, trying so hard not to pull on any of the cords attached to her tiny body. I remember thinking to myself "Why is this happening? My baby should be home, in her crib, not in hospital bed.."

When Little A was just 10 days old, she stopped breathing in my husbands arms. Just like that. No warning. She came too within 20 seconds, but minutes later it happened again. Panicked, we rushed her to the hospital. They took her in right away, and determined it was best for her to be seen out of town at the sick kids hospital.

Later that night, after what seemed like a never ending drive, she was admitted to the Childrens Hospital.

Over the following days she endured test, after test, after test (countless blood work, IV's, CT scan, chest Xray, spinal tap, upper GI, and EEG). I'll never forget seeing her fragile little body undergo so many different procedures.

Absolute torture for any mother or parent, let alone new parents!

I'll never forget the exhaustion I felt. I barely left her side, and didn't leave the hospital once. My husband wasn't allowed to stay at the hospital over night, but thankfully, I was. I remember sitting up all night, watching her a praying. When Jonathan would come in the morning I would collapse on the cot, and sleep until the nurse or doctor would come in to take her away for another test. It seemed never ending. All I wanted was to take her home. 

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I will never forget the feeling of joy felt when they said we could take her home. They couldn't find a single thing wrong with her, and determined that she was perfectly healthy. 

The assured us that it was probably just a case of bad reflux, and to watch out for it in the future. Lucky for us, it never happened again.

Looking back at that week that felt like an eternity, I know we are blessed. I thank God for that daily. After 5 long nights of what seemed like the worst kind of torture, we got to take our strong, and healthy little girl home. 

I know we are the lucky ones, but that is a week we will never forget.